hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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