At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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