I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
