Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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