Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
