he wants to bone in the snuggie
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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