It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
