For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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Shitshow foam night was such a success
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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