there's paper in my vomit.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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