Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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