and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
