the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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