The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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