he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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