some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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