Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
