lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
