I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
