She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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