You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
