How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
