This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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