The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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