Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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