there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize