Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
