u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
