ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
