I just cut my nipple shaving
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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