Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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