We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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