He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
