my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize