I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
