Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
