I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There r osticjed everywhere
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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