Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
