don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
