i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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