She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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