Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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