i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
