Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
