I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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