I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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