Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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