The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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