Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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