I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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