he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
