did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
