went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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