beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
