I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Everyone says I win the strip club
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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