you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
