Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
