I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
