But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
