Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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