I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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